I spent much of my weekend playing with my oldest grandson, who is 2 1/2 and in the process of being potty-trained. I did not notice this when I was going through the process with my own children, but what power that child wields! He gets attention if he goes or if he doesn't. He gets prizes. He has just discovered that he has at least some control over his bodily functions, and now he knows that he can manipulate them to control the adults in his life.

Actually, I think he is doing pretty well. He uses the potty a lot of the time. I have met a lot of parents, particularly parents of boys, who are tearing their hair out because their boys are over three and not even interested in the process.

My newest grandson was baptised yesterday. He was very well-behaved. I wonder if he will ask who came to the ceremony later? He had four grandpas and three grandmas there! I did not see this because I was at the end of the row, but my husband told me that the pastor was thrilled because Tony took hold of his finger as he said the Lord's Prayer. I know it could have been a random grab, but I choose to believe that this baby's simple gesture is a foreshadowing of things to come.

It is necessary to close doors as you move on. Last year when I was told I did not have this job, I did not feel the doors closing, but this year I do. Tears come readily to my eyes as I hug friends I did not realize I had made. You know the old saying, the one about God's never closing a door without opening a window? I can feel the doors closing, and I am not yet aware of any open windows.

I have one last school at which I will say good-bye.

Today is hard.

I received the story below in e-mail, and it seemed appropriate to put it here. It came with graphics, but it says a lot without.

Why Women Cry

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said:

"When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,

yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

LOWRY/ Dangerous women

I think the article says it all.

Yesterday I went to meet my husband in Wabash, and there was a big accident right by the intersection where we were to meet. Fortunately, it was NOT his big white truck, and I called him to make sure that when he ran into the backup, he would know it wasn't me. My heart has not beaten that hard since there was a fatality the night of Delta's homecoming and my teenage son was unaccounted for.

Someone who is bad news has made a reappearance in my daughter's life just as it seems she could be happy. Fortunately, God appears to have provided a way to lessen her temptation with another job.

I got a hug from one of my student's teachers, which is something that I did not expect, and it made me cry. She thanked me for a job well done because she said that usually you never see a special ed teacher when the student is only on consultation, and she told me she would miss me.

The kindergartener's last day is Thursday. He tells me every day how much he is going to miss me when school is out. I tell him that I will miss him too; only maybe my family has an idea of how much I will miss him. Thursday will be hard. If I end up crying, I hope I make it to the car first.

I never thought there was a job as invisible as that of substitute teacher, but being an itinerant teacher is darned close. I think I am ready to have a home. Wonder what God has picked out for me.

My husband got news this morning that his ADE (assistant division engineer) has been promoted to division engineer in WVA. The man is happy; his family is in PA. My husband's new ADE comes from Cincinnati. He has only been a track supervisor for a year. He is twenty-six. I wonder how he will get along with people who have 20+ years on the railroad.

I think I have resigned myself to the fact that the railroad probably won't transfer the people who have been around a long time since many of them are at the upper end of their pay ranges and could retire in the next few years. If they are going to pay for a move, they need to make it worth their while. I sure would like for them to pay for our move out of Marion, but not badly enough to see my husband take a high-stress job like a yard.

reasoned audacity at charmaineyoest.com: "
Bigotry and the Bench: Sowell is Brilliant

In her blog REASONED AUDACITY, Charmaine Yoest quotes an article by conservative columnist Thomas Sowell. Her quote is as follows:


"Maybe the non-stop denunciations of judicial nominees by Senate Democrats will seem relevant to some people but it is in fact wholly beside the point. Senators who don't like any particular judicial nominee -- or any nominee for any other federal appointment -- have a right to vote against that nominee for any reason or for no reason. . .
. . .The real issue is whether those Senators have the right to deprive all other Senators of the right to vote on these nominees. . . The essence of bigotry is denying other people the same rights you have. For generations, it was racial bigotry which provoked filibusters to prevent the Senate from voting on bills to extend civil rights to blacks. But bigotry is bigotry, whether it is racial bigotry, religious bigotry or political bigotry.
The truth is, the Left lost the election in November. And they simply refuse to accept the loss. After all, 'those people' couldn't have won, could they?
Case in point: Katrina vanden Heuvel, editor of the Nation, on This Week yesterday talking about those 'right-wing Christians.' Voice dripping with scorn. That's bigotry. And it's not any prettier dressed up with intellectual pretension."

This article interests me because of another opinion that I saw posted on the blog
TEMPUS FUGIT TEMPUS FUGIT at TXFX.NET. The article, entitled 'Don’t Like It? Walk Away"
was talking about walking away if things you did not like did not affect your personal freedoms. At least, that is what I think it was saying. So I agree with Mr. Sowell in that, while senators have the right to vote against nominees, they do not have the right to deprive others of the right to vote on the nominees.

I had not thought of this as bigotry, exactly, but it does seem as if the left has defined any conservative view as Christian. And while I AM a Christian, I don't think that many moral things can necessarily be defined solely as Christian. There were other codes of law, Hammurabi's being one, that laid down MORAL statutes that were not defined as Christian.

Why is being Christian or conservative such a bad thing nowadays? Why is it only OK to voice your opinion if you are liberal?

As Mark, who wrote the post on TEMPUS FUGIT, put it, "There is no “right to remain unoffended."

I don't think of myself as a particularly jealous person, but maybe I am since I have recently suffered from both mother and grandma envy. The reasons were that I am not geographically close enough to my daughter and my grandsons to do things with them as I might like, but other people are....hence my envy. I don't know what good it does to pine, and I know I should just make the best of the time I have with them, but still, it would be nice...

You never know, though, what the other person's life is like. Not very long ago, I told a lady I know I was jealous because she has better health insurance than I do. We both have RA, and I am soon to lose the good teachers' insurance and go on my husband's crappy management insurance. I could go on about why it is crappy, but that is another story. Anyway, this lady told me that she was jealous because I have two grandchildren. She has one daughter who is twenty-seven and not yet married. I got to thinking, and she was right. I would rather have the grandsons. Then her husband died. I see some of how hard her life is since she lost her husband at the age of fifty-eight and I do not want her life. At all.

So what makes me want the lives that other people have instead of my own anyway? I have been richly blessed. Someday I will blog about how I fell in love with my husband when I was thirteen and read S. E. Hinton's THE OUTSIDERS, but that too is really another story. I didn't meet my husband until I was nineteen, but how many people find the man of their dreams in that way? My son and I survived toxemia; he and his son both survived meningitis at six weeks unscathed. I know children who were not so lucky; one ended up deaf and the other brain-damaged. My daughter is finally free of an abusive marriage and appears to be getting her life together. I worked this job, which I had not sought, for four years, and I learned a lot about handicapped people which, I trust, will be useful in my future.

I guess the envy comes from the fact that, at least from the outside, the people that I envy appear to have something that I would like to have. My daughter loves me, and the fact that she can also make another mom feel loved should not threatened me. Any time with my grandsons is to be cherished. And any time with them is a gift; it is something that God bestows upon me, not something that I deserve.

Unfortunately, like Eve I want to be like God sometimes and know what He has planned for me. I want the best, and sometimes I don't like His best, even though intellectually I can grasp the fact that His best is better than anything that I can imagine. And like Eve, when I grab for that knowledge, the lack of trust that grabbing illustrates dims the knowledge of what I do have, in effect barring me from Eden.

I am human, and so I see through a glass darkly. I know that I will not lose this poor vision until I get to heaven. But I cherish the moments when I am aware of the blessings God has bestowed upon me.

For now, I guess I will have to be content with seeing the majority of them in the rear view mirror.

My father wanted to know when the family reunion was going to be held this summer,so I contacted my cousin, who has helped with it the past two years. The reunion is in West Virginia and has been held for ninety-one years. My dad lives in Ohio, my cousin in Maryland.

I was dismayed but not surprised when my cousin got back to me and told me that she did not think there would be a reunion this year as she could not get anyone to help her. It is awfully hard to coordinate everything yourself when you don't live in the same state.

There has been a similar problem on my husband's side of the family. I have always enjoyed going to his reunions. They are a lot closer, and I got to know cousins, aunts and uncles that he had only talked about. As the older generation dies out, though, nobody else wants to take this one over either. My husband and I hosted it in the past, but we no longer live in Ohio, so we don't anymore. When my husband's Michigan relatives have tried to host the reunion, the attendance has been severely limited, mostly because of the distance involved.

What has happened to family support systems? To support systems in general? In my search to understand what happens with marriages in middle age, I stumbled across an article by James Dobson, an excerpt from his STRAIGHT TALK books. His explanation made sense, although I am sure a lot of feminists would throw rotten fruit at me for saying so.

The way I understood Dr. Dobson's explanation was that women are at the height of their usefulness when they are mothers, and often motherhood is in their twenties. Their husbands, however, have to climb the corporate ladder, so many of them do not reach the peaks in their careers until their forties and fifties. The problem with that is that the husbands are at their busiest when the children are leaving home and the wife is readjusting. So....who needs her? What is her purpose? Her husband can give her all the verbal reassurances in the world, but it is not the same as someone's physically needing her.

Dr. Dobson did not just talk to men. I read the section he addressed to women. He said that years ago, before families were spread out across the US, women got together to can and to quilt. They taught their daughters these skills, and they had the benefits of the years of female experience that were gathered with them. Such gatherings are a rarity today, and so women often do not have the emotional support they need. A lot of work friendships just don't cut it because, while you may be friendly with someone at work, a lot of the time you would be unwise to share the private details of your life with them. Besides--you see each other on workdays, but to see each other elsewhere requires a lot of effort and planning. Many people just don't take the time to bond outside the work environment.

I can see the truth in this. I am blessed with a husband who would send me off to walk with my best friend when we lived in Ohio. He knew that "solving the world's problems" would calm me down. Jackie and I didn't really solve anything, though. We just shared what was happening in our lives, and it was reassuring to know that we weren't alone.

I am no knowledge guru, so I don't know how to handle the lack of support in today's society. Speaking as someone who moved away from her support system, especially in middle age it is hard to break into groups which are already established. I think church provides some help, but what if it isn't Sunday? Is there really anyone you can call?

In a world where so many things are not for sure, my husband and I have always striven to assure our family that we, at least, were there for them to count on. Maybe that is all you can do.

But sometimes it sure does get lonely.

My student was placed in Life Skills. That's what I had hoped for him. I can, at least, go out of this job feeling that I have done my best for "my" kids.

My dad will be eighty years old this June. Being as I lost my mom nine years ago, I am really glad to still have him around. One of the good things that came from my mom's passing is that I know him more as a human being and less as just a dad.

My dad grew up in the Depression era, and his family suffered a lot of hardship. My grandpa was displaced from Owens-Illinois, and my grandparents lost their house in West Virginia. My grandpa's twin moved to New Jersey and got back on with OI, so he and his wife invited my dad's family to move to New Jersey, where there was work. Problem was that the families had to live together. My grandpa's brother had all boys. My dad had a sister. There wasn't room for her, so my grandparents left her in West Virginia with relatives until their situation improved. They saw her as often as they could, but the family did not have a car until my dad was sixteen (1941), and there were no super-highways, so they didn't get to see her as often as they might have wished.

Finally, they were able to bring my dad's sister to New Jersey. I don't know for sure how long she stayed in West Virginia, but they brought her to New Jersey around 1937. Within a few months, she was diagnosed with leukemia, and within another few months, she was dead. Leukemia wasn't handled the way it is now. One of the things the doctors tried was blood transfusions from my grandma, but the end result was the same.

My dad was twelve when his sister died, and I do believe that the incident shaped his whole life. I have watched my son protect his sister, and I can only imagine how my dad processed the things that were happening around him. At that time, adults just didn't talk about things like that in front of the kids, so kids formed their own conclusions, often using incomplete information to do so. My dad is the oldest of the children in his family, and I think that still he thinks in some way that he, a child, should have been able to take better care of his sister.

I know he still feels a lack of family, even though at least my younger sister and I do the best we can to stay in touch with him. He tells people that his brother, who lives in Florida, still has all five of his children and all of his grandchildren within an hour's drive of his house. Our family has scattered, although my younger sister and I live, respectively, two and three hours away from my dad. I hear him tell people how he feels about our living away from him. We have encouraged him to move out of the house where he and my mother lived because he just can't take care of it anymore, but his answer is always that we all live so far away, he doesn't know where to move to.

I grew up, probably like most children, thinking that my dad was invincible. Even as an adult, I don't think I was too thrilled at first to see the parts of him that were not. But I am touched by his vulnerability, by his longing that I think is rooted in what happened to his family so long ago, to take care of his family, to keep us all close. It reminds me of the Bible verse that says that God keeps us under the shadow of His wings (not that I know what that means, exactly). I know my dad still wants to keep all of his kids, the youngest of whom qualifies as middle-aged, safe.

As dads go, I am thankful that the one God gave to me has been such an example of the heavenly Father. Not everyone has been so blessed.

Psalm 91:3-5 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society



3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day...

ABC News: Moderate activity may reduce ovarian cancer risk

Although our modern lifestyles offer many advantages, one of its poorer byproducts is our turning into a nation of lazy,fast-food-fed people. What I was in my thirties, my husband and I used to groan and roll our eyes at the people in their fifties and beyond discussing their health problems. But now, just at work:
--one woman is in critical but stable condition, no diagnosis
--a husband is hospitalized with his heart working at 16% of capacity
--another husband has congestive heart failure and is on a list for heart transplant
--one wife is recovering from breast cancer and goes today to have kidney stones bombarded
--another wife is having her second bypass surgery in two years; she is under fifty and refuses to make diet or lifestyle changes
--a daughter, age thirty. had a hysterectomy
--a husband has back problems, bad enough for at least two weeks off work
--another husband has eight weeks off work, follow-up surgery from an intestinal blockage a year ago
--and finally, the junk food junkie has been hospitalized for five days, lost twenty-five pounds in the past few months, and may be facing intestinal surgery

That is only the people at work. There are others that we know. So many things in life that are not under our control. If moderate exercise and a proper diet will help, these are steps we all can take.

So, as this job is winding down, the little things people say to me are nice. I have had compliments from some really unlikely places. And one of the secretaries downtown forwards job openings to me. She does not want me to be an aid since I have a degree.

One of the jobs she forwarded to me was an elementary home school coordinator. I am not real sure what they do, but it would be definite hours in a school close to home, which does matter now that the price of gas hovers where it does. I have considered substitute teaching in the outlying districts since I do not like the lack of disrespect that is evident in our local school district, but those districts pay less, and there is that gas price.

My husband keeps telling me that the money is not the issue; the issue is job satisfaction. Would I be more satisfied working a job with definite hours or one where I can take off when my family needs me? I have gotten used to working with students more one-on-one. Substituting is crowd control, but I could probably make more money doing it. If I don't like a particular class, I don't have to go back.

I want to work, preferably with kids. Wish I knew beyond that what is best.

It says in Ecclesiastes that there is nothing new under the sun, so I know that the problems wrong answers cause in life are not unique to me or to my generation, but they are still a pain.

A long time ago I gave a wrong answer that, for a while, sort of derailed my life. I wasn't even aware that what I had said was wrong, either.

The reason this is on my mind is because I have noticed that marriages go through stages, and in my observations it seems that the marriages of middle age have a hearing problem. This is the way it went in my case.

We moved to Indiana, which was not so bad, but it certainly did reduce the noise and the busyness in my life. The problem is that my husband had received a promotion to the job of his dreams, and it increased his busyness, both physically and mentally. Add to that the fact that sometimes we have a harder time remembering and listening as we get older and, well...things just got bad. I never thought that my husband did not love me, but I did think that I was something that he squeezed in the cracks of his life where he could, that I was not a priority. I don't care how long you have been married, that is not a good feeling.

Did I talk to him? Of course. Did he hear me? Not for a long, long time. It took a lot of disagreements and it took a lot out of both of us.

The reason I bring all this up is that during the course of our solving this particular marital issue, I said something that I shouldn't have. I said that I didn't think my husband would try to stop me if I walked out the door. He responded that he wouldn't because that appeared to be what I wanted. WRONG ANSWER!! What I wanted was to know that I mattered to him, to talk to him in the morning and have him remember what I said by suppertime.

We worked it out, although I am still not sure how. I think part of it was that one weekend, my husband appeared so stressed all he wanted was not to answer the phone. I thought he was on the verge of being really sick, and I complied. In the course of that weekend, just because we were at the right place, in the right situation, at a time when he COULD talk, he told me all that was going on at work and I began to understand his situation a little more. A lot more. He had so many things to occupy his brain that he really didn't have room for anything from me that was not an emergency. And he did not see this as a conflict because it was all tied up in his head with being a good provider, which he is, and making decisions that will affect both our lives. He knew he could let me slide and things probably wouldn't change. I tried to explain to him that drought threatens even plants that are securely rooted, but ...

Things are better now. I know to stop him and tell him that I need him to listen, and he knows a little more how I feel This is how I know he knows. He has been telling me about a man he knows whose wife left him, a couple about our age. The man has been trying to get his wife to move back home, but things aren't working out. Yesterday, he said the man finally opened up. He told my husband that he thought this was part of his wife's "menopause thing" and that he thought she was going to leave. This man told his wife that her leaving was not what he wanted, but if it would make her happy....

My husband said the whole thing gave him cold chills. We had been there so recently. He wanted to scream at the man that his answer was wrong, that he had to make it clear to his wife that he cared, but this was the first time the other man had opened up and he wasn't sure how to do it.

I wouldn't begin to advise. In my limited female experience, men are unique creatures when it comes to communication. Catch them at the right time and they can talk your ears off. Catch them at the wrong time, and both of you will be frustated.

This I do know, though. Marriage is sort of like a dance. Sometimes things go fast. Sometimes they go slow. Sometimes you step on one another's feet. And it hurts. In my own instance, I think it helped to listen more closely to the music, but there are a lot of times when the background noise of life shuts the music out, or at least distorts it.

I don't like to think about the wrong answers I know I will continue to give as long as I am on this earth, particularly since I can see the consequences to the people and sometimes the couples around me. I know what the consequences have been to me.

I guess you just have to pray that when you give the wrong answer, the other person involved loves you enough to hear what you meant. Not what you said.

Although a lot of ethereal things do occupy my mind, so does the effect that age has on my body. It is for that reason that I watched Oprah last Friday. I don't catch her show very often, but she was going to give diet tips. She is a year older than I am and she sure doesn't look it, so I thought it was worth a listen.

I do many of the things that Oprah suggested. Others, I thought, would require a personal trainer or a body that did not have RA. Eight hours of vigorous exercise a week? I think I might get in half of that, and I know it is not vigorous, but it is what my body can stand.

What I was really interested in, though, was the abs, mostly because I have noticed that a lot of older women with really thin legs have really big stomachs, or so it seems to me. And that seems to be the way my body is going, even though my weight is almost under control.

I was dismayed to hear that Oprah got her abs by doing 300 sit-ups a day. 300!! I think I would be lucky to do two! I talked to my daughter, though, who has a degree in kinesiotherapy, and while she agreed with me that I could probably not match what Oprah does in sit-ups, I could help myself with crunches. She demonstrated. I did some. I asked her for a goal. She said do ten of them three times a day, and add five a week.

That I can do. I think. I may not ever have Oprah's abs, but I am looking forward to toning my own!

I am listening more as I decide what I want to do after leaving professional education. Today, one of the men in my Bible class who also teaches at my home school was talking about a comment that an uncle of his who is a retired superintendent of schools,had made. It was this: he said that if people loved their kids, they would homeschool them or send them to a private school.

Marion is an economically depressed little town, and the "best" private school here costs $4500 a year. I assume there is a reduction in price if you send more than one kid, but still, that is a lot of money. Even if the voucher system were to work, you would be left with a shortfall that would make such an education out of reach for a lot of middle-class families.

So what do you do? And where does the responsibility lie with us as Christians? In my particular school, there is such increased gang activity and such a lack of respect for other human beings in general, not just teachers, that I do not think my body could take the stress of returning to the "regular" classroom. Yet I have a burden for the students who are there.

I think that particularly in economically depressed areas, but really everywhere, there are a lot of parents who are doing the best they can just to pay the bills and they don't have a lot of time or maybe the knowledge they need to teach their kids the everyday things that they need to know. The parents do not monitor learning or homework, and thus those things become the problems of the schools. And while I think the No Child Left Behind Act starts with a good premise, that being that we should make sure every child gets an education and that there need to be standards, I do not think such a goal is reachable through the government alone. The government, however, is the only thing our President theoretically has control over.

How do we reach the families, the parents who may or may not have had a good parenting example or a good education, and make them aware of their part in the success of their children? How do we reach the children, many of whom have seen too much of the "gimme" attitude and really don't know any other way to cope? How can the schools make the most of the time they have with kids and, harder yet, how can they teach what kids need to know in a way that won't be undone when those children return to homes with parents that don't know or don't care?

This same man, the one who talked about the superintendent, made me aware of an incident in my home school which is really upsetting. Our school is a middle school, and one of its girls came to school with a perfume bottle filled with gasoline and a lighter, intending to douse someone who had upset her. Those are the kinds of things public school teachers deal with on a fairly regular basis. And such emotional chaos, which does NOT come from within the school, interferes with the education of the child who is upset as well as his classmates. If, as Christians, in order to love our children we homeschool them or send them to private school, whose is the burden of loving the ones who are left in the public school?

I am ashamed of myself. I did something today out of a mean spirit, which I don't usually do. I would say I was sorry to the person involved, but I don't think it would make much of an impression on him, so I will say it to God and here. I guess no matter how much somebody NEEDS told off, it is wrong to seek them out on purpose and do it. At least it is for me.

Jury rejects prayer defense in baby's death

Is the jury right about this case? I don't know. I believe in religious freedom AND I believe in the power of prayer, but I like to think I would do almost anything to help my children.

A lady I know told me in conversation yesterday that 38 years ago, her mom said she did not want any grandchildren, an idea which I find hard to comprehend. I do understand her reason, though. She asked her children how they could possibly consider bringing children into a world as evil as this world has become.

I remember hearing the adults talk about the "good old days" when I was younger and rolling my eyes, but now that I have reached the half-century mark, I too remember those days fondly. Some aspects of them were, I think, better than things are today. For instance, I walked home for lunch during all of elementary school. An hour and fifteen minutes, even in winter, was plenty of time to traverse the half mile each way, eat my lunch, and take time out from my school day. We only got a few television stations, but big deal! I think that in general we played outside a lot more.

On the other hand, there were a lot of medical things that killed people then and don't kill them now. A teacher just seven years older than I am remembers being taken out of class to receive her polio vaccine. That came along when I was a baby, so I don't remember any of my agemates having polio, but she does. So do my older brother and sister. Also, reproduction was still sort of a mystery compared to the way it is today. The toxemia I had during the time I was carrying my oldest child (in 1978, not nearly as long ago as the polio vaccine) might well have killed us both the decade before. As it was, I was hospitalized, his birth was induced, and both of us were healthy.

And we felt safe in our neighborhoods as well. My boundaries were the emergency fire box, which I called the "red pole" and the mailbox. As long as I stayed within these boundaries and came in when the streetlights came on, my parents really didn't worry about me. Because I was within hearing distance? Maybe. Or maybe because they knew their closest neighbors and pretty much everyone in the neighborhood had the same family values.

I think of this because of an experience I had at the kindergarten lunch table yesterday. I sit there every day because my student needs help manipulating his lunch, and what they do is often amusing. The little girls like to come up and bat my earrings when I wear dangly ones, and yesterday they had fish noodles in their chicken noodle soup, so they were busy swallowing the ocean. Also yesterday, though, the little boy sitting across from me was crying and leaving his food untouched. These kids are in all-day kindergarten, so lunch is sort of important. When I asked him what was the matter, he told me that he wasn't going to eat because he couldn't sit next to one of the girls in his class.

These kinds of things start so soon! There are twelve little boys in this class and only three girls. It was not so long ago that this same boy was crying because one of the girls said she would not dance with him. Is this an appropriate worry for a six year old?

One of the lunch aids has been around for thirty-five years, and she said she never hears about boys (or girls) having "cooties" like they did when we were growing up. I agree with her that the kids probably have seen too much. In our technologically advanced society, if we speed up the social things as well, when can a kid just be a kid?

I have had great fun watching my eldest grandson, who will be three in September, learn. The most fun, I think, is when he does typical kid things. The other day he
had on his daddy's shirt and decided that he WAS daddy, even to the point of addressing his dad by his own name! Pretend play is important, I know, but so is the context of it. If our children pretend about grown-up things like which girl likes them, will they miss playing pirate or school or some things that might benefit them more?

I do worry about things like this for my grandchildren, both the two that I have now and the ones that I hope to have. I want them to be well-rounded little people, and I have been pleased at the way my son and his wife have handled their boys. They watch their language around them, and they try to monitor what they see on TV and listen to. When my grandsons go off to school, though, the effects of home will be diluted somewhat, and their environments will have more of an influence on their lives.

I don't think I would ever have said I didn't want grandchildren like my friend's mom did, but I do sort of see her point. Kids have a lot to deal with in the world today. Things are always changing. The adults who bring babies into the world need to be aware of the responsibilities involved in raising them.

One of the hard things about being a former English teacher is that I hate it when I think I edit carefully and miss something. Thank you, Ron.

The teachers of the student I mentioned in point #4 yesterday talked with the school she visited after she left. All of us think her needs can be met locally. It will be interesting to see what happens.

This student's classroom teacher is brand spanking new, having graduated in December. She is learning that you gather information from as many sources as you can just by listening so that YOU can make the best decision possible. This helps because teachers often present vastly different information than administrators or parents. I haven't really figured out whether the differences are intentional or it is just that the administrators and parents have different agendas, but being as the case conferences are to determine the best educational setting for a child who already has at least one problem, wouldn't it be nice if we all had the SAME agenda, that being the child?

What I mean by different agendas is this: say little Johnny (or middle school Johnny), who already has a special ed plan because he needs speech therapy, starts acting up in class. Or maybe he HAS been acting up in elementary school, but now he is in middle school and the teachers won't tolerate his behavior. The parents are upset because Johnny doesn't get the grades he used to get and their first assumption is that the problem must be those mean teachers at the middle school. The middle school teachers are upset because they are teaching classes of 25 or more adolescents (some of whom tend to be hyper and flighty no matter what you do), and Johnny's behavior is hurting both himself and the class. The teachers have contacted the parents because that is the what you do if talking to the student doesn't work and besides, you dare not go to the level of a conference without having done so. The situation has not been resolved, so some of them are secretly thinking that Johnny's problem began at home. The administrators (this could be the building principal or someone higher up) want the problem solved because, of course, Johnny is NOT learning since he is busy acting out. But they are busy because positions are being eliminated so they are doing the jobs of three people when they used to do just theirs, and they sort of wonder why the parents and teacher(s) couldn't come to some sort of agreement before getting them involved. Does Johnny NEED a special placement? If he does, it MAY cost the school district more money. And while the administrator involved wants the best placement for Johnny, he or she does have to worry about how his evaluation by the superintendent will look if he costs the district more money.

Maybe none of these people are wrong. But they all are dealing with different pressures. Even if you don't agree with what they do, it helps to have some insight into their feelings. That is what this new teacher is learning. She has already said that while the people in our building are child-centered, she doesn't think that the higher-ups are. That has to be disallusioning.

I like to teach. I like the people I work with. And I like kids. But I hate the politics involved.

The Second Half of Marriage - Follow the Golden Rules - Retirement With a Purpose

This whole article is worthy of a read whether you are in the second half of your marriage or not, but I especially like the quote by Ogden Nash with which it ends:

"To keep love brimming in the loving cup, when you're wrong, admit it, and when you're right, shut up!"

1. My son says I am a people person. I do like people, but I am uncomfortable when I am around a lot of them.

2. A fully-funded pension is better than one that is not fully-funded. Even after explanation, this is not clear to me, but it sort of has to do with who holds the funds, and it seems that if your employer does, bad things can happen to your pension.

3. Yesterday on FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, Dr. Dobson interviewed a couple who wrote a book about the second half of marriage. One of the things they recommended would, I think, work for any marriage, but it does seem sort of weird when you hear it. You are supposed to kiss for ten second before you part in the morning and ten seconds when you get home at night. Ten seconds is a long time to kiss! I think I will get the book.

4. One of my students is visiting a school that would be a bad fit for her, but those in charge say that they will fight for her to attend. What will be the deciding factor? What is best, or what will save the school district a headache?

Update 15: Judge Approves End of United Pension Plans - Forbes.com

As my husband and I approach our "golden years," articles like this are hard to read. I am learning that you plan your retirement with certain things considered, well....certain. For instance, my husband has a railroad pension. He has worked and contributed to this for almost thirty-two years, and we count on its being there, especially since its existence means he is not vested in Social Security (not that that is a sure thing either.) We have other funds to supplement what my husband will draw as his pension, but in our planning, it will be the main source of our income. So what will happen to us if, like has happened to United's employees, a large portion of that income is no longer there?

I don't think that people can count on retirement investments that they have not made themselves anymore, and even those are subject to market fluctuations and other problems. My husband was planning on retiring at 55, which was why he took a job in supervision. Neither of us are sorry that he took the job, but the rules changed five years in and he can't retire until he has ten years service with his current railroad. I never thought he would really retire that young anyway, but still. The requirements have changed.

When he took this job, his retirement came with the same health insurance that we have now. It is not great coverage; we had a lot better when he was an agreement employee, but ANY coverage is way better than NO coverage. Now we will pay for our health care coverage after he retires, and it will be subject to the same increases as those paid by people who are working. Again, this is something that we have to live with, but it is a big change.

I have not worked long enough to get a teacher's retirement, and for health reasons it does not look like I will. If I do continue, say, as a substitute, the amount of money I will draw will be very small, but it is still better than nothing. I was very proud of myself for getting vested in Social Security, especially since I now have RA and could possible qualify for SSI at some point. I was surprised to learn, though, that Social Security benefits are paid to people who have never worked if their spouse is entitled to draw them. Since my salary has never been very big, some of the people who draw benefits through their spouses will actually draw more than I will (if the funds are there for me to draw). I guess that is OK in a way. After all, at least under the current structure, I will benefit from the money my husband has contributed to railroad retirement over the years. However, such things are a burden on the system.

I do not think it pays to worry about these things to the point that you make yourself sick, but I do think it would be stupid not to plan. I understand why Social Security came about (I think), but in today's world I don't think anything can be guaranteed. Maybe it never could. I asked my father, who is a child of the Depression, what happened before health insurance and guaranteed retirements. His response was that people who could not pay the doctor did not get treated and people who had not planned did not have any "golden years." I feel like my generation in particular is sort of caught in the middle because the rules of retirement that we had sort of taken for granted are changing daily. At least my children will know that they have to plan for themselves, but I do not think theirs will be an easy row to hoe either.

My husband took me to Bob Evans for lunch on Mother's Day, and I saw someone I knew there with his wife. When I saw him at work later, I commented that it was nice to see another husband being good to his wife, and his response was, "Well, I guess once a year is enough."

My dander was up immediately, and I told him that if I heard that my husband talked to other people that way about me, I would slap him upside the head. (Figuratively, of course. If you knew my husband, you would also know how strong and quick he is. I am pretty sure he would catch my hand on the way to his head and that would be the end of that. But you know what I mean.)

Anyway, this man went on to say how he hardly had the money to take his wife out because she spends it as soon as he brings it home. "All that overtime," he sighed, "and she gave it away."

I am not going to say that I have never taken money from my husband's wallet, but I do have access. I always ask first, and I can't remember a time when my husband has said no. This seems like common courtesy to me. I began to wonder why, in some marriages, it is the wife and not the husband who controls the money. Shouldn't it be the spouse who does the better job of controlling?

My husband has a theory that men need women to bug (notice that I did not say nag) into doing the things they need to do. He says he is sure he is healthier because he is married to me, and he thinks he is better-mannered as well. There are a lot of things I want him to do that he just doesn't feel with the urgency that I do, and I try to let those things slide and concentrate on what is really important. So maybe in those other marriages, the money isn't that important. I don't know. It was important enough for the husband to sigh over.

I think wives have to be careful with the control they have over their husbands. We only have that "control"(for lack of a better word) because they love us, so we should be careful to use it for our mutual good and not just for ourselves. The struggle with trying to decide this goes back, I think, to Adam and Eve. Did Eve want Adam to be the best that he could be, or did she just want to be like God and drag him along with her into sin? And this morning I read about Ahab and Jezebel. Ahab pouted because he wanted a vineyard that the owner would not give to him, but he would have left well enough alone had it not been for Jezebel. She used his power as king to manipulate the death of the vineyard's owner and brought God's judgment on both her husband and herself.

I do not sit in judgment on anyone else's marriage, mostly because I think the way things play out depends a lot on the personalities and backgrounds of the people involved. When I see things go awry, however, I am reminded to examine my own actions and make sure they consider my husband's well-being as well as my own.

The librarian at the first school I go to told me she read that 49% of mothers who received gifts on Mother's Day told their children they did not like the gifts. How can that be? Will those be the mothers who do not hear from their adult children on Mother's Day?

It is funny how you really don't know that you have them until you are asked.

For instance, yesterday I tried on some capri pants. My husband thought they looked just fine, but I have a long body and short legs, and I didn't think they did anything to enhance my image.

Or...I saw this spinner sort of thing on the way home on Friday, and I liked the way it caught the sun right away, but I didn't buy it until yesterday. Why not, when I liked it?

My father and I seldom see eye to eye on anything, which is sort of weird since he raised me. He gets impatient with me because I don't mind people wondering about what would fill in the blanks in stories, and he doesn't want them added to. When he saw the PASSION OF THE CHRIST, he did not like it that Mel Gibson added the part about Mary's remembering when Jesus fell when He was little. The way I see it, she was Jesus's mother, after all, and I don't see how she could have helped remembering things like that. The Bible does say that she "took these things and pondered them in her heart." She was female, so I doubt that she pondered them once and quit.

Now, in pondering a new template for this blog, I find that I have a stronger opinion than I had previously thought. I like the crumpled paper idea, but the tone of the blog, I think, is decidedly feminine, so the template should reflect that. This is something I never would have known if my son, who helps me with computer things that mystify me, had not bothered to ask.

I once read a sort of conundrum about the generation of ideas, and the question was asked whether speech generated the ideas or whether they were there in the first place. The context of the argument was that certain ideas could not be generated without the right vocabulary, so people who have a limited vocabulary are limited in their ideas. I guess I think that is right because I often do not know that I think or know things until I put them into words, and then sometimes I feel like an idiot because I realize I have known them for a long time. Maybe I am just clarifying my thoughts? Or is that just my opinion?

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I think that if there is one thing I have passed on to my children somewhat imperfectly, it would be the command in this verse.

Often it is a choice to think about things in a positive way, but sometimes a lifetime of experience causes you not to look forward to too much when looking forward would be better.

For instance, today my daughter was telling me that she talked to one of her friends and the friend's family was stressing her out. We all know that families have the tendency to do just that, and no matter how often we tell ourselves that all things that happen to someone we love do not concern us, we still want to make things better for them. Not doing so can create a great deal of guilt, and whether the guilt is deserved or not, it still must be dealt with. This young lady got married last year, and the family from which she came is having all sorts of health problems. Her dad made the statement, jokingly, that they had not had these problems when their daughter was still at home.

Or what about handling the fact that someone in your family really messed up? People do; they make mistakes or they get cantankerous. How do you only think about the good things that they do when they are mistreating people or themselves and those things need to be dealt with as well?

I suppose the answer in a perfect world would be to deal with the problem and still love the person, and I like to think I do a reasonable job at that. However, what I do not do so well with is leaving it once I deal with it. I worry....is the person mad now that I said what I needed to say, are they going to quit doing what they are doing, how should I react if they do not. All of these things eat away at me.

I would love to be the type of Christian woman who exhibits the peace that dealing with such things well is supposed to engender, and maybe I will be if I live long enough. I do know (generally) what the Scripture says I should do. I just have a hard time putting it into practice.

My twenty-seventh anniversary was a good day, which surprised both my husband and me since it started with his getting a root canal.

For no apparent reason, we cruised three hours to see our son and his family in Ohio. On the way, we searched for oldies stations and my husband, sore mouth and all, sang all, which he doesn't do very often.

Twenty-seven years ago, it was cool and overcast in Morgantown, WVA. The whole day seemed sort of surreal to me, but I knew it would be OK when the preacher told my husband he could kiss me and he hugged me instead. He hugged me like he would never let go.

I don't know what I expected out of marriage then, but I do know that our marriage has been a happy one. I do not think that I ever thought about having grown children or being a grandparent way back then, so those are some of the added benefits of a long marriage. I did not know that I could love someone so much it takes my breath away and yet (way too often, sometimes) want to slap him upside the head. I did not know that it is often more important to act on love than it is to feel it.

Song of Solomon 8:7 (from THE MESSAGE)

Flood waters can't drown love,

torrents of rain can't put it out.

Love can't be bought, love can't be sold--

it's not to be found in the marketplace.

This has been a sobering week for me. I think one of the differences between "young" people and those of us who are in middle age or beyond is that we know death happens. It becomes something that slaps us in the face with its reality.

It was with this in mind that my husband dragged me to a financial consultant on Monday. It had been a long day, and I didn't want to go, but truth be told, I would not have wanted to go anyway. Money doesn't mean as much to me as it does to my husband, so I would prefer that he make the decisions involving ours and keep me informed.

We have a portfolio of sorts, but it is not getting the rate of return my husband hoped for, and so he consulted an "expert". She will compile a portfolio based on the information we passed on to her. We passed on a lot. I think my husband was surprised by how much I knew (I don't think he thought that I really did listen), and I was surprised by how much we had accumulated. I am sure there are people who have a LOT more, but it was nice to see that the plugging away all these years has been fruitful.

Another woman and I were talking this morning about the necessity of our having all of this information. Her husband has kept her informed as well. We talked about a friend of hers who lost her husband suddenly two years ago. This woman's husband had not kept the house up, so two years after his death, she is still playing catch-up trying to get in a position to sell. He was also a pack rat, so she is still going through his things. She has family in Virginia, and we were wondering why she didn't just take the loss on the house and go to them. That is what we would do. We think. But we don't really know.

I think the survival issues in a marriage have to be dealt with by both husband and wife. Nothing is served by avoiding the issue; in all probability, we will not die with our husbands. One of us will predecease the other. I am grateful that my husband has been a good manager and that he keeps me informed (even though it is not my favorite activity.) The house might not look the way I want it to look, but there is nothing wrong with it that a coat of paint won't cure. Updates could be left to the next owner. They are often a matter of taste anyway.

What do I think my responsibility is here? Well, I have always tried to help spend the money that we have wisely, so I study what it means to be a good consumer. I nag my husband into taking care of himself, which is something he does not always thank me for, initially at any rate. I try to keep the house in order so that if something should happen to me, the task of sorting through the house would not totally overwhelm him. And we talk, reminding each other that we wouldn't mind if whoever was left remarried, that the kids and grandkids will still need us, that you should not bury yourself in work.

I have learned that talking about things is seldom the same as dealing with them in actuality, but it is at least a starting place. When you have built a life with someone, I am sure that the prospect of going on alone is pretty overwhelming. When I was younger, I read a book by Madeleine L'Engle called A TWO-PART INVENTION. The book is about her marriage, and in it L'Engle states that you should love your spouse enough to let them die first. When I first read that, I told my husband no, that I did NOT love him that much. Then I watched my dad after my mother died and, at least in theory, I would like to spare my husband that. Not that it is up to me.

I think survival must sometimes just mean that you endure, that you find a way to put one foot in front of the other and make your life mean something. I do not know what I will do in the event that I am faced with it. But I do think it helps to have a plan.

DenverPost.com - David Harsanyi

Thomas Jefferson once said, "Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost." I am thankful to see that David Harsanyi had the courage to state that Dobson has a right to his opinions and that some of them are, in fact, mainstream opinions.

Harsanyi states that "progressives believe separation of church and state means that anyone involved in religion should avoid involvement in politics". Forgive me, but didn't the Pilgrims come here so they could practice their religion freely? Didn't they establish our first governments?

I don't think you have to be a "Bible-thumping fanatic" to allow for involvement in both religion and politics. I applaud Mr. Harsanyi's courage in speaking out for the rights of Christians to express their opinions.

Blogging is NOT what I should be doing. I have goals to write.

This morning, when I signed in to my home building, the secretary stopped me and told me to call the teacher next door who is home on maternity leave. The husband of her aid, a lady I have known almost since we moved here, died last night.

This is, I think, one of the secret fears of all middle-aged people. Will we wake up next to our spouses tomorrow? Will they come home from work today?

Middle age seems to be a time of big fluctuation in a marriage. I watch as people who have been married 20+ years struggle just to keep committing to staying together. I think it never dawned on them, like it didn't on me, that at this stage of the game, we would have to keep committing. I, at least, thought I had already done that.

It is the little things that irritate me. Like today, when he is off work, my husband told me he would meet me when I had a 25 minute break between schools. Normally it is I who meets him, and I have learned over the years to sigh and move on when he DOESN'T meet me, as often happens. I am not in a position where I can keep my cell on all the time, and things do change for him. But it does seem to me that I have lived the majority of my married life rearranging around his schedule and sometimes, like today when he is on vacation, I thought he would rearrange around mine. But no. I was at the appointed place. I turned my cell phone on, but it did not ring. No answer on his cell, so I called home, and he answered with, "Yes, I'm late." There was no time. I told him not to bother. But his forgetting hurt.

We know this couple that has been married around the same amount of time that we have, and they have separated for the second time. You can guess all you want about reasons, I know, but I would bet that the wife just wants to feel like she matters, not like she gets fit in. Like she is a priority. It seems to be normal that your husband takes you for granted at this stage of life, but it doesn't feel good even when you know that they love you. It feels like you don't matter.

I know my friend was having problems with her husband, and I know because she told me that in a way his death will give her a way out, but I have to believe that she loved him in her own way. I have to believe that she hurts because he is gone.

What is my point with all of this? I love my husband, but despite the fact that he is a very easy-going guy, he is not always easy to live with. It seems to me that the older he gets, the harder it is for him to change, or even to hear me. That being said, though, I would not want to leave him because I am afraid his pride--or mine--would get in the way of our getting back together. It is that trust thing, you know? And I do not envy my friend the solution to her problem that came with her husband's death.

Earlier today, I got a phone call from my son telling me how much he enjoyed going out to eat with my father, his grandfather, who was visiting his city for a Gideon convention. Later, my almost eighty-year-old dad called to tell me how much fun he had visiting with my son and his family. I am thankful for their time together. Is this what families used to be like?