Blogging is NOT what I should be doing. I have goals to write.
This morning, when I signed in to my home building, the secretary stopped me and told me to call the teacher next door who is home on maternity leave. The husband of her aid, a lady I have known almost since we moved here, died last night.
This is, I think, one of the secret fears of all middle-aged people. Will we wake up next to our spouses tomorrow? Will they come home from work today?
Middle age seems to be a time of big fluctuation in a marriage. I watch as people who have been married 20+ years struggle just to keep committing to staying together. I think it never dawned on them, like it didn't on me, that at this stage of the game, we would have to keep committing. I, at least, thought I had already done that.
It is the little things that irritate me. Like today, when he is off work, my husband told me he would meet me when I had a 25 minute break between schools. Normally it is I who meets him, and I have learned over the years to sigh and move on when he DOESN'T meet me, as often happens. I am not in a position where I can keep my cell on all the time, and things do change for him. But it does seem to me that I have lived the majority of my married life rearranging around his schedule and sometimes, like today when he is on vacation, I thought he would rearrange around mine. But no. I was at the appointed place. I turned my cell phone on, but it did not ring. No answer on his cell, so I called home, and he answered with, "Yes, I'm late." There was no time. I told him not to bother. But his forgetting hurt.
We know this couple that has been married around the same amount of time that we have, and they have separated for the second time. You can guess all you want about reasons, I know, but I would bet that the wife just wants to feel like she matters, not like she gets fit in. Like she is a priority. It seems to be normal that your husband takes you for granted at this stage of life, but it doesn't feel good even when you know that they love you. It feels like you don't matter.
I know my friend was having problems with her husband, and I know because she told me that in a way his death will give her a way out, but I have to believe that she loved him in her own way. I have to believe that she hurts because he is gone.
What is my point with all of this? I love my husband, but despite the fact that he is a very easy-going guy, he is not always easy to live with. It seems to me that the older he gets, the harder it is for him to change, or even to hear me. That being said, though, I would not want to leave him because I am afraid his pride--or mine--would get in the way of our getting back together. It is that trust thing, you know? And I do not envy my friend the solution to her problem that came with her husband's death.
This morning, when I signed in to my home building, the secretary stopped me and told me to call the teacher next door who is home on maternity leave. The husband of her aid, a lady I have known almost since we moved here, died last night.
This is, I think, one of the secret fears of all middle-aged people. Will we wake up next to our spouses tomorrow? Will they come home from work today?
Middle age seems to be a time of big fluctuation in a marriage. I watch as people who have been married 20+ years struggle just to keep committing to staying together. I think it never dawned on them, like it didn't on me, that at this stage of the game, we would have to keep committing. I, at least, thought I had already done that.
It is the little things that irritate me. Like today, when he is off work, my husband told me he would meet me when I had a 25 minute break between schools. Normally it is I who meets him, and I have learned over the years to sigh and move on when he DOESN'T meet me, as often happens. I am not in a position where I can keep my cell on all the time, and things do change for him. But it does seem to me that I have lived the majority of my married life rearranging around his schedule and sometimes, like today when he is on vacation, I thought he would rearrange around mine. But no. I was at the appointed place. I turned my cell phone on, but it did not ring. No answer on his cell, so I called home, and he answered with, "Yes, I'm late." There was no time. I told him not to bother. But his forgetting hurt.
We know this couple that has been married around the same amount of time that we have, and they have separated for the second time. You can guess all you want about reasons, I know, but I would bet that the wife just wants to feel like she matters, not like she gets fit in. Like she is a priority. It seems to be normal that your husband takes you for granted at this stage of life, but it doesn't feel good even when you know that they love you. It feels like you don't matter.
I know my friend was having problems with her husband, and I know because she told me that in a way his death will give her a way out, but I have to believe that she loved him in her own way. I have to believe that she hurts because he is gone.
What is my point with all of this? I love my husband, but despite the fact that he is a very easy-going guy, he is not always easy to live with. It seems to me that the older he gets, the harder it is for him to change, or even to hear me. That being said, though, I would not want to leave him because I am afraid his pride--or mine--would get in the way of our getting back together. It is that trust thing, you know? And I do not envy my friend the solution to her problem that came with her husband's death.
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