A while ago I posted on a wedding to which my husband and I were invited, that of his long-dead brother's eldest son from whom we had not heard in fifteen years. Jay is only twenty-three, so the lack of contact was in no way attributable to him. His father died suddenly and accidentally, and his mother, who was young, got on with her life.
Neither my husband nor I knew what to expect. For instance, we did not know if my husband's remaining three brothers had been invited to the wedding, and we were afraid to ask for fear that they had not. We had no idea what Jay looked like. We didn't really know if his mother wanted us there, or what kind of reception we would receive. And we decided not to worry about such things. After all, this was about my husband's brother's son joining his life to that of another and asking for participation from his father's family.
The wedding and reception were held at a little country rental hall. When we drove up, we did not see any cars that we knew, but we were a little early. Chairs were set up for an outside wedding next to a gazebo, and thunder rumbled off in the distance.
We decided to venture inside. We recognized Jay's mom right away; she had not changed a lot in fifteen years. She made no move to approach so my husband (thank God for the supervisorly habits he now has) stepped up to greet her. The ice was broken. She introduced us to the groom, who stood at her side. Before the wedding was obviously not the time to get acquainted, so we went outside to sit down.
There were not many people on Jay's side of the aisle. Jay's mom and her second husband sat in front, holding a baby girl who we later found out was the couple's daughter. We were there, and there were three other couples. Total of ten. I wondered if that kind of thing would bother him. I know a similar situation bothered my daughter-in-law very much.
Jay has a younger brother and my husband and I searched for him, hoping that he would be in the wedding party. My husband did not see traces of his brother in the groom; maybe he would see them in the other son. Then the wedding began.
As the wedding party proceeded down the aisle, we picked out Jay's half-sister, his mother's daughter by her second husband. She is a pretty girl and looks a lot like her mom. We still could not pick out the groom's brother. Like other weddings, this one held the promise of the future. The father of the bride beamed as he led his daughter down the isle. And Jay and his bride, although they may have been nervous, could not seem to stop smiling.
The ceremony was quick, and we proceeded to the receiving line. Jay received our congratulations, but made no other comment. I don't really know what my husband expected. I thought maybe something like saying he was glad my husband was there.
Our sister-in-law (ex-sister-in-law?) came up once we were seated and chatted for a minute or two. She remembered that we lived out of state. We didn't know how to ask her where her younger son was, and we thought maybe our questions would be answered anyway when the wedding party was introduced.
That introduction happened in short order. Jay's younger brother was not in the wedding party.
We tried to decide what to do. My husband and I are not really bold people socially, although he has been a lot more forward since he has been in management. It is awkward to sit at a wedding where you don't know anyone, where you don't know anything, really, about the newly married couple.
We sort of decided that we would leave after the cake was cut, and it was to be cut before the dinner. My husband had done what he came for, really. He was at Jay's wedding since his brother could not be. He stood for a part of the family that we were guessing Jay really knows very little about.
My husband had hoped, though, to get life stories from Jay and his brother, and he finally could not stand it any more. He approached the cake-cutting as pictures were being taken. Jay's stepdad waved him over. My husband got at least a portion of the stories he hungered for.
Jay is an electrician. He had lived in Toledo where his father lived for three years. His younger brother was serving in the Navy. It was not much, but certainly more than he had known before. My husband got a chance to tell Jay and his mother that our youngest grandson is named Tony in honor of Jay's dad. We had met his mom's second husband before, and my husband was glad to know that he was still around, that Jay and his brother had a father-figure when they were growing up.
Then we left. It looked like it was going to be a long night, and my husband saw no sense in waiting around until Jay opened his gift. My husband had chosen to give him a framed family portrait of his family when all the boys were younger. Jay's dad as the oldest of five, stands in the middle, surrounded by his brothers and behind his parents. Maybe that was the whole reason we were invited in the first place, to connect Jay to the father who died when he was three.
I hope our presence did that. I hope Jay is curious enough about to ask questions of my husband or his other uncles. Although it is easy to see that Tony lives on in his sons and his granddaughter, Jay's asking questions would keep his dad alive, at least in a way, in his heart.
Neither my husband nor I knew what to expect. For instance, we did not know if my husband's remaining three brothers had been invited to the wedding, and we were afraid to ask for fear that they had not. We had no idea what Jay looked like. We didn't really know if his mother wanted us there, or what kind of reception we would receive. And we decided not to worry about such things. After all, this was about my husband's brother's son joining his life to that of another and asking for participation from his father's family.
The wedding and reception were held at a little country rental hall. When we drove up, we did not see any cars that we knew, but we were a little early. Chairs were set up for an outside wedding next to a gazebo, and thunder rumbled off in the distance.
We decided to venture inside. We recognized Jay's mom right away; she had not changed a lot in fifteen years. She made no move to approach so my husband (thank God for the supervisorly habits he now has) stepped up to greet her. The ice was broken. She introduced us to the groom, who stood at her side. Before the wedding was obviously not the time to get acquainted, so we went outside to sit down.
There were not many people on Jay's side of the aisle. Jay's mom and her second husband sat in front, holding a baby girl who we later found out was the couple's daughter. We were there, and there were three other couples. Total of ten. I wondered if that kind of thing would bother him. I know a similar situation bothered my daughter-in-law very much.
Jay has a younger brother and my husband and I searched for him, hoping that he would be in the wedding party. My husband did not see traces of his brother in the groom; maybe he would see them in the other son. Then the wedding began.
As the wedding party proceeded down the aisle, we picked out Jay's half-sister, his mother's daughter by her second husband. She is a pretty girl and looks a lot like her mom. We still could not pick out the groom's brother. Like other weddings, this one held the promise of the future. The father of the bride beamed as he led his daughter down the isle. And Jay and his bride, although they may have been nervous, could not seem to stop smiling.
The ceremony was quick, and we proceeded to the receiving line. Jay received our congratulations, but made no other comment. I don't really know what my husband expected. I thought maybe something like saying he was glad my husband was there.
Our sister-in-law (ex-sister-in-law?) came up once we were seated and chatted for a minute or two. She remembered that we lived out of state. We didn't know how to ask her where her younger son was, and we thought maybe our questions would be answered anyway when the wedding party was introduced.
That introduction happened in short order. Jay's younger brother was not in the wedding party.
We tried to decide what to do. My husband and I are not really bold people socially, although he has been a lot more forward since he has been in management. It is awkward to sit at a wedding where you don't know anyone, where you don't know anything, really, about the newly married couple.
We sort of decided that we would leave after the cake was cut, and it was to be cut before the dinner. My husband had done what he came for, really. He was at Jay's wedding since his brother could not be. He stood for a part of the family that we were guessing Jay really knows very little about.
My husband had hoped, though, to get life stories from Jay and his brother, and he finally could not stand it any more. He approached the cake-cutting as pictures were being taken. Jay's stepdad waved him over. My husband got at least a portion of the stories he hungered for.
Jay is an electrician. He had lived in Toledo where his father lived for three years. His younger brother was serving in the Navy. It was not much, but certainly more than he had known before. My husband got a chance to tell Jay and his mother that our youngest grandson is named Tony in honor of Jay's dad. We had met his mom's second husband before, and my husband was glad to know that he was still around, that Jay and his brother had a father-figure when they were growing up.
Then we left. It looked like it was going to be a long night, and my husband saw no sense in waiting around until Jay opened his gift. My husband had chosen to give him a framed family portrait of his family when all the boys were younger. Jay's dad as the oldest of five, stands in the middle, surrounded by his brothers and behind his parents. Maybe that was the whole reason we were invited in the first place, to connect Jay to the father who died when he was three.
I hope our presence did that. I hope Jay is curious enough about to ask questions of my husband or his other uncles. Although it is easy to see that Tony lives on in his sons and his granddaughter, Jay's asking questions would keep his dad alive, at least in a way, in his heart.
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