My husband and I have been discussing the ever-troublesome assistant yet again. Yesterday he (the assistant) had to go home early because his wife had a breast biopsy and even though it was benign, the surgeon was going to remove it. That same day.
As a veteran of far too many "questionable" mammograms and surgeries, it does not seem right to me that ANY reputable surgeon would remove a benign tumor unless it was painful, and I can't see it happening on the same day as the biopsy anyway. Maybe in his part of Indiana the surgeons are more amenable. I don't know. Sometimes I wish I didn't have the intelligence to question these things. It would be easier, sometimes, to accept things at face value.
We know, for instance, that the assistant does not "wear the pants" in his family. His wife has been heard yelling at him and at my husband and no, just I don't think the fact that she has a highly paid executive job excuses her attitude. At the same time, though, I should say that I do not have and would not want a management position, mostly because I do have the brains (thank the good Lord) to question the stories that people put out. I just don't have the patience anymore. And I am well aware that not everyone's marriage works like mine.
I have a lot of respect for my husband, so it matters to me what he thinks of me. And I have (mostly) always tried to uphold the image that I have of him in front of other people. I can't imagine, for instance, yelling at your husband over the phone when you know other people can hear you, or worse yet, yelling at his immediate superior, but I know that it happens.
A couple of years ago, I deliberately omitted information from my husband because I knew I had done something of which he disapproved. It wasn't illegal or immoral, just something that we didn't agree on. He questioned me, and because he didn't ask the right question, I didn't have to tell him what I had done, but I felt terrible about it.
The guilt worked on me so much that I had to tell him what I had done a week or so later, and the WORST part of that was that I knew he would be disappointed in me. I knew he still loved me, but I had not lived up, at least in my own eyes, to the expectations he has of me, and what he thinks of me matters to me.
I have never thought that marriage was a 50/50 proposition, so I guess it doesn't really matter who "wears the pants" in the traditional sense. But I do think that BOTH partners in a marriage have a duty to uphold the best image of their spouse in front of other people. So I am sorry for having withheld information from my husband and I have no intention of doing it again. If he was constantly worried about what I thought of him, I DO think it might alter his behavior, so I feel a little bit (but not a lot) more sympathy for the assistant. Seems to me his wife's opinion of him matters so much that he can't think about pleasing anyone else, and although I do believe in pleasing your spouse, I think it is sad when you have to be afraid of what happens when you don't.
As a veteran of far too many "questionable" mammograms and surgeries, it does not seem right to me that ANY reputable surgeon would remove a benign tumor unless it was painful, and I can't see it happening on the same day as the biopsy anyway. Maybe in his part of Indiana the surgeons are more amenable. I don't know. Sometimes I wish I didn't have the intelligence to question these things. It would be easier, sometimes, to accept things at face value.
We know, for instance, that the assistant does not "wear the pants" in his family. His wife has been heard yelling at him and at my husband and no, just I don't think the fact that she has a highly paid executive job excuses her attitude. At the same time, though, I should say that I do not have and would not want a management position, mostly because I do have the brains (thank the good Lord) to question the stories that people put out. I just don't have the patience anymore. And I am well aware that not everyone's marriage works like mine.
I have a lot of respect for my husband, so it matters to me what he thinks of me. And I have (mostly) always tried to uphold the image that I have of him in front of other people. I can't imagine, for instance, yelling at your husband over the phone when you know other people can hear you, or worse yet, yelling at his immediate superior, but I know that it happens.
A couple of years ago, I deliberately omitted information from my husband because I knew I had done something of which he disapproved. It wasn't illegal or immoral, just something that we didn't agree on. He questioned me, and because he didn't ask the right question, I didn't have to tell him what I had done, but I felt terrible about it.
The guilt worked on me so much that I had to tell him what I had done a week or so later, and the WORST part of that was that I knew he would be disappointed in me. I knew he still loved me, but I had not lived up, at least in my own eyes, to the expectations he has of me, and what he thinks of me matters to me.
I have never thought that marriage was a 50/50 proposition, so I guess it doesn't really matter who "wears the pants" in the traditional sense. But I do think that BOTH partners in a marriage have a duty to uphold the best image of their spouse in front of other people. So I am sorry for having withheld information from my husband and I have no intention of doing it again. If he was constantly worried about what I thought of him, I DO think it might alter his behavior, so I feel a little bit (but not a lot) more sympathy for the assistant. Seems to me his wife's opinion of him matters so much that he can't think about pleasing anyone else, and although I do believe in pleasing your spouse, I think it is sad when you have to be afraid of what happens when you don't.
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