I don't know if it is just in what I read or not, but I have seen a LOT of articles about what happens to men who have a mid-life crisis and I don't remember seeing any about what happens to women. I think the assessments are right; men get to a certain age and figure out that they might not actually conquer all the parts of the world they set out to conquer, and so they compensate, some in wise ways and some not so wise.
I don't think women have fewer crises. I just think we react differently to figuring out that most of the world is NOT under our control. I can remember not so long ago (eight years) being so angry at one of my family members that, even four shots of whiskey in ten minutes later, I could not breathe. But you know what? All of that anger didn't change a thing. And over time, the behavior of that person hasn't permanently changed, either. I did.
I learned that the people that I love are, unfortunately, no more perfect than I am. And I love them anyway. I learned that the things they do that drive me crazy and sometimes could put them in jail or the morgue don't stop happening by the sheer force of MY will. And I learned that such things don't make those people less of a person or less of a Christian. They just make that person weak.
I know I am not the only one who has looked in the mirror in a defining moment and said to myself, "Look what you have been capable of. Be careful. If you could do this, you could do worse." That was not a moment that I particularly like to remember, but it does help me when I remember it. I don't think that there is much in this world that, given the right circumstances, I am not capable of. But having been in a bad place, I try to be alert enough that I don't end up back there or even in some place worse.
I don't know that I would define this as a crisis. I didn't, by the sheer force of my will, change all I wanted to change about my world. Much of the time, however, I am aware that MY actions are the ones for which I will be held accountable in the end. That realization is specific to each circumstance, certainly, but maybe knowing that you did all that you could and this is the best you get for it is just part of growing up. You don't quit trying. You just realize that you aren't the only one involved.
I don't think women have fewer crises. I just think we react differently to figuring out that most of the world is NOT under our control. I can remember not so long ago (eight years) being so angry at one of my family members that, even four shots of whiskey in ten minutes later, I could not breathe. But you know what? All of that anger didn't change a thing. And over time, the behavior of that person hasn't permanently changed, either. I did.
I learned that the people that I love are, unfortunately, no more perfect than I am. And I love them anyway. I learned that the things they do that drive me crazy and sometimes could put them in jail or the morgue don't stop happening by the sheer force of MY will. And I learned that such things don't make those people less of a person or less of a Christian. They just make that person weak.
I know I am not the only one who has looked in the mirror in a defining moment and said to myself, "Look what you have been capable of. Be careful. If you could do this, you could do worse." That was not a moment that I particularly like to remember, but it does help me when I remember it. I don't think that there is much in this world that, given the right circumstances, I am not capable of. But having been in a bad place, I try to be alert enough that I don't end up back there or even in some place worse.
I don't know that I would define this as a crisis. I didn't, by the sheer force of my will, change all I wanted to change about my world. Much of the time, however, I am aware that MY actions are the ones for which I will be held accountable in the end. That realization is specific to each circumstance, certainly, but maybe knowing that you did all that you could and this is the best you get for it is just part of growing up. You don't quit trying. You just realize that you aren't the only one involved.
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