My husband I are boomers, as in baby boomers, but one time a sociologist who came to my school to give an inservice told my principal that I was not a typical boomer, that I had a lot of characteristics of the WWII generation, and she should "manage" me accordingly. Well, I don't know that that principal did ever actually "manage" me, and I don't know how much different I am from a "regular" boomer, but I do know this much: at this stage in my life, it seems as if a lot of things that are not my responsibility fall into my lap for me to take care of. I usually do take care of them, too, if it is not worth the fight otherwise. My husband lectures me about this because, he says, I would give away the shirt off my back if he were not here to watch out for me. I like to think I am more intelligent than that, but I would also like to know how to cut back.
For instance, on Saturday we visited my daughter, who happens, at this point in her life, to be living at my dad's house. Dad is almost eighty, but he is very spry and alert. Not your typical eight-year-old (so maybe not being typical is genetic?). Anyway, we were late because of the snow, and our daughter wasn't home even though she was supposed to have the ingredients ready for her dad to cook lunch, and my dad was hungry. So we ordered pizza, which wouldn't be a big deal except that I got the money out of the car to pay for it. My husband didn't say anything at the time, but on the drive home he mentioned that, since we were not the hosts, providing the food was not our, or in this case my, responsibility. True. But it has always been that way.
I am not complaining, exactly, because I really don't mind helping out. And money doesn't mean a lot to me in a sense. I am sure that I do not know what it is like to be poor, and I don't particularly want to know, but I don't care if I have things to show off to the world. And my husband is right. If I don't want to enable people, which was the big thing about boomer parents in particular, I need to have them all ( the kids, my dad, my siblings) take responsibility for their own stuff. When they act like they are helpless, though, it just seems natural to step in.
And it isn't just my family. At school, I service visually impaired children, yet it becomes my responsibility when their behaviors get in the way and they do poorly in school, not because of their vision, but because no one holds them accountable. I have begun to stand up for right there, pointing out in case conferences that vision really has no bearing on whether a child turns in his homework. That problem seems to be pervasive among teems anyway. How do I then alter my behavior with my friends and family?
Maybe I will evaluate each situation. Is it a necessity? Is it my responsibility? Can they live without it? Maybe it doesn't matter what others think as long as I answer those questions for myself. I don't want to be an enabler. I just want to help when I can.
For instance, on Saturday we visited my daughter, who happens, at this point in her life, to be living at my dad's house. Dad is almost eighty, but he is very spry and alert. Not your typical eight-year-old (so maybe not being typical is genetic?). Anyway, we were late because of the snow, and our daughter wasn't home even though she was supposed to have the ingredients ready for her dad to cook lunch, and my dad was hungry. So we ordered pizza, which wouldn't be a big deal except that I got the money out of the car to pay for it. My husband didn't say anything at the time, but on the drive home he mentioned that, since we were not the hosts, providing the food was not our, or in this case my, responsibility. True. But it has always been that way.
I am not complaining, exactly, because I really don't mind helping out. And money doesn't mean a lot to me in a sense. I am sure that I do not know what it is like to be poor, and I don't particularly want to know, but I don't care if I have things to show off to the world. And my husband is right. If I don't want to enable people, which was the big thing about boomer parents in particular, I need to have them all ( the kids, my dad, my siblings) take responsibility for their own stuff. When they act like they are helpless, though, it just seems natural to step in.
And it isn't just my family. At school, I service visually impaired children, yet it becomes my responsibility when their behaviors get in the way and they do poorly in school, not because of their vision, but because no one holds them accountable. I have begun to stand up for right there, pointing out in case conferences that vision really has no bearing on whether a child turns in his homework. That problem seems to be pervasive among teems anyway. How do I then alter my behavior with my friends and family?
Maybe I will evaluate each situation. Is it a necessity? Is it my responsibility? Can they live without it? Maybe it doesn't matter what others think as long as I answer those questions for myself. I don't want to be an enabler. I just want to help when I can.
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