The Jane Pauley Show: Show Info
One of the benefits of being temporarily visually impaired is that I watch a little more TV than normal. Today I turned on the Jane Pauley Show.
I have written before about the differences between men and women. I get a little annoyed, frankly, with women who want their men to be....women. That's not why I married my husband, and although we do occasionally have communication difficulties, I often learn from the differences between us and have become a better communicator because of my learning.
One of the women on the show wanted to know why her husband couldn't or didn't express more emotion. The brain mapper, Dr. Amen, said it was because men's brains were generally less active in the centers which register emotion. This I disagree with. My husband works in a sort of macho industry, that being the railroad, but the men with whom he works and he himself express a lot of emotion. You just have to learn how to read it. And you have to get them when they are ready to talk, which is often NOT when I am ready to talk.
Another woman noted that she should give her husband time to unwind when he gets home rather than hitting him with problems the minute he comes in the door. It seemed to me that she did really care about her husband. She did not want him to end up having a heart attack in his late fifties like his father had, so she wanted to destress the home environment as much as she could. This "wind-down" time is a complaint I have heard from a lot of men over the years. Many of them don't mind helping or talking; they just want time to switch gears.
Michael Gurian,a family therapist who wrote the book What Could He Be Thinking: How A Man's Mind Really Works made another interesting point; he said that there are "bridge brains" that are more capable of thought ascribed to the opposite sex than most are. Jane thought that Mr. Gurian, being a family therapist, would be a good example of a bridge brain.
Mr. Gurian and Dr. Amen thought that we could reprogram our brains to an extent by increasing both exercise and our intake of Omega-3 fatty acids. I have to admit that I missed the Omega-3 connection, but the purpose of the exercise was to keep everyone calmer. Besides, as Mr. Gurian pointed out, it is a lot easier to have your husband's complete attention when you are alone with him on a walk rather than in front of the TV. (I personally get more of my husband's attention in a moving vehicle, which may be why I like to cruise so much.)
And why do we women want our men to meet all of our emotional needs? Well, Dr. Amen said it started about a hundred years ago. Before that, women got their needs met by meeting with other women, but with the industrial revolution and the expansion of our society westward, somehow emotional fulfillment became the man's job. Dr. Amen said that the average man can fulfill only 30% of his wife's emotional needs, so in order to stay happy in a marriage, a woman needs other outlets. I think women need to be careful of what other outlets they choose, but I believe the statistic Dr. Amen stated that a high percentage of divorces occur because the wives do not feel that their emotional need are being met.
My own personal feeling? I think I married a guy with a "bridge brain" and I feel blessed to have found him. He is capable of translating things into womanspeak when he really wants to communicate, and I try to do the same with him when I see that I am not reaching him (prolonged efforts do tend to give me a headache). I guess I think we should all strive to act like adults and not make other people responsible for all of our emotional well-being since, as husband and wife, we are not wired the same way.
Aren't the differences what make marriage intriguing in the first place?
One of the benefits of being temporarily visually impaired is that I watch a little more TV than normal. Today I turned on the Jane Pauley Show.
I have written before about the differences between men and women. I get a little annoyed, frankly, with women who want their men to be....women. That's not why I married my husband, and although we do occasionally have communication difficulties, I often learn from the differences between us and have become a better communicator because of my learning.
One of the women on the show wanted to know why her husband couldn't or didn't express more emotion. The brain mapper, Dr. Amen, said it was because men's brains were generally less active in the centers which register emotion. This I disagree with. My husband works in a sort of macho industry, that being the railroad, but the men with whom he works and he himself express a lot of emotion. You just have to learn how to read it. And you have to get them when they are ready to talk, which is often NOT when I am ready to talk.
Another woman noted that she should give her husband time to unwind when he gets home rather than hitting him with problems the minute he comes in the door. It seemed to me that she did really care about her husband. She did not want him to end up having a heart attack in his late fifties like his father had, so she wanted to destress the home environment as much as she could. This "wind-down" time is a complaint I have heard from a lot of men over the years. Many of them don't mind helping or talking; they just want time to switch gears.
Michael Gurian,a family therapist who wrote the book What Could He Be Thinking: How A Man's Mind Really Works made another interesting point; he said that there are "bridge brains" that are more capable of thought ascribed to the opposite sex than most are. Jane thought that Mr. Gurian, being a family therapist, would be a good example of a bridge brain.
Mr. Gurian and Dr. Amen thought that we could reprogram our brains to an extent by increasing both exercise and our intake of Omega-3 fatty acids. I have to admit that I missed the Omega-3 connection, but the purpose of the exercise was to keep everyone calmer. Besides, as Mr. Gurian pointed out, it is a lot easier to have your husband's complete attention when you are alone with him on a walk rather than in front of the TV. (I personally get more of my husband's attention in a moving vehicle, which may be why I like to cruise so much.)
And why do we women want our men to meet all of our emotional needs? Well, Dr. Amen said it started about a hundred years ago. Before that, women got their needs met by meeting with other women, but with the industrial revolution and the expansion of our society westward, somehow emotional fulfillment became the man's job. Dr. Amen said that the average man can fulfill only 30% of his wife's emotional needs, so in order to stay happy in a marriage, a woman needs other outlets. I think women need to be careful of what other outlets they choose, but I believe the statistic Dr. Amen stated that a high percentage of divorces occur because the wives do not feel that their emotional need are being met.
My own personal feeling? I think I married a guy with a "bridge brain" and I feel blessed to have found him. He is capable of translating things into womanspeak when he really wants to communicate, and I try to do the same with him when I see that I am not reaching him (prolonged efforts do tend to give me a headache). I guess I think we should all strive to act like adults and not make other people responsible for all of our emotional well-being since, as husband and wife, we are not wired the same way.
Aren't the differences what make marriage intriguing in the first place?
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