You see, I have this aunt....
I don't know how old she is really, but my mom would have been eighty this year and this is her second oldest sister, so she's old.
Anyway, yesterday I got home from work and found a message on my machine asking me to call her. I talk to her on the phone, oh, once every five years or so, so I thought this might be something big. She said she had news about a step-uncle of mine, and since I know he is almost eighty and had an ostomy a couple of weeks ago, I thought I should call.
I did, and she told me what my cousin had told me two weeks before about the uncle. My aunt had just found out, so it was new news to her, I guess. She made it sound like he was at death's door, and at almost eighty just having had major surgery, I realize that is always a possibility, but last I heard he was recovering, so I decided to go with that.
See, some of my family is sort of weird, I think, in that they hardly keep in contact at all, but the word "family" means a lot to them. It means something to me, too. I mean, my aunt is a widow, and I don't want anything bad to happen to her, but I haven't seen her in at least twenty years and we just exchange Christmas cards, so it isn't as if she really knows me at all.
My mom always said this sister of hers made trouble, and since my mom was a peaceful sort of woman AND my mom, I took her at her word. Maybe that has colored my picture of the aunt somewhat. HOWEVER...a couple of years ago, out of the blue and with no return address, I got a copy of a diet from somewhere in CA with a note that said that I should try it, that it would really help me. I couldn't figure out who had sent it and the person who did spelled my name right, Rebekah instead of Rebecca, and it made me sort of mad. If you have ever had a problem with your weight, you know that it is a very personal thing and it is hard to hear comments on it even from people with whom you are really close. Well, yesterday, my aunt gave me weight advice.
She hasn't seen me in twenty years, and I guess she doesn't realize that my weight is no longer an issue. I guess hers isn't either, but when I was a little girl and she would ride with us on mountain roads with no guard rails, I was afraid because she was so heavy and leaned to the inside to try and balance the car. Maybe gaining weight was my payback.
Speaking of which, this aunt said that one time I had been unhappy with her because she didn't hold my daughter very long and that now that I had rheumatoid arthritis, I knew why that was. Of course I do. Before my first grandson was born, I was terrified that I would not be able to hold him, but God was good and I have medicines that allow me to do so. I did not remember ever expressing displeasure that this aunt had not held my daughter because she has never been my favorite aunt and I doubt I would have asked her to except as a courtesy. The only time I can remember that she was around my daughter as an infant was at a family reunion, and at that time all of my mother's sisters (notice: NOT my mother) were telling me to spank my not-quite-two-year old son and give him something to cry about. He was tired because we were sleeping on the porch and he was in a strange house, so he didn't sleep. He cried.
I did not know that this aunt had rheumatoid arthritis and I still don't for sure. My mother said she was a hypochondriac, and when I asked my cousin, who knows way more about the family than I do, if anyone had RA, this aunt's name did not come up. Nevertheless, the implication was that I had been mean to her and now I had my payback.
I suppose I think about this because my mom told me a story years ago about watching my mouth, and she used this aunt as an illustration. She said that when another sister had been pregnant this aunt, who was not yet married, had made a face at her and told her she hoped her babies looked like that. This aunt ended up never having a child of her own, although she did adopt one. My mom said to watch what I said lest it come back to haunt me later.
Which brings me to my point. I really don't remember ever hurting this aunt, and I pondered over whether or not I should ask for her forgiveness since evidently she
WAS hurt, whether I meant to or not. And she IS old, and I don't want to hurt her further. I am old enough though, and I have had to ask forgiveness for so many of the things that I do, that I don't see the sense in asking about this one since I don't remember it and this aunt has the habit of, shall we say, exaggerating.
So I'm not gonna. But I don't say that lightly. I am well aware of the Bible verse that says that you should get the log out of your own eye before you worry about the splinter in your brother's. And I am not (as those who love me will attest) perfect. But more than that, I don't want to be guilty of some of the things I see in my aunt's behavior. So I'm not gonna apologize. But I hope God really convicts me if I am guilty of the same sins. I have enough of my own.
I don't know how old she is really, but my mom would have been eighty this year and this is her second oldest sister, so she's old.
Anyway, yesterday I got home from work and found a message on my machine asking me to call her. I talk to her on the phone, oh, once every five years or so, so I thought this might be something big. She said she had news about a step-uncle of mine, and since I know he is almost eighty and had an ostomy a couple of weeks ago, I thought I should call.
I did, and she told me what my cousin had told me two weeks before about the uncle. My aunt had just found out, so it was new news to her, I guess. She made it sound like he was at death's door, and at almost eighty just having had major surgery, I realize that is always a possibility, but last I heard he was recovering, so I decided to go with that.
See, some of my family is sort of weird, I think, in that they hardly keep in contact at all, but the word "family" means a lot to them. It means something to me, too. I mean, my aunt is a widow, and I don't want anything bad to happen to her, but I haven't seen her in at least twenty years and we just exchange Christmas cards, so it isn't as if she really knows me at all.
My mom always said this sister of hers made trouble, and since my mom was a peaceful sort of woman AND my mom, I took her at her word. Maybe that has colored my picture of the aunt somewhat. HOWEVER...a couple of years ago, out of the blue and with no return address, I got a copy of a diet from somewhere in CA with a note that said that I should try it, that it would really help me. I couldn't figure out who had sent it and the person who did spelled my name right, Rebekah instead of Rebecca, and it made me sort of mad. If you have ever had a problem with your weight, you know that it is a very personal thing and it is hard to hear comments on it even from people with whom you are really close. Well, yesterday, my aunt gave me weight advice.
She hasn't seen me in twenty years, and I guess she doesn't realize that my weight is no longer an issue. I guess hers isn't either, but when I was a little girl and she would ride with us on mountain roads with no guard rails, I was afraid because she was so heavy and leaned to the inside to try and balance the car. Maybe gaining weight was my payback.
Speaking of which, this aunt said that one time I had been unhappy with her because she didn't hold my daughter very long and that now that I had rheumatoid arthritis, I knew why that was. Of course I do. Before my first grandson was born, I was terrified that I would not be able to hold him, but God was good and I have medicines that allow me to do so. I did not remember ever expressing displeasure that this aunt had not held my daughter because she has never been my favorite aunt and I doubt I would have asked her to except as a courtesy. The only time I can remember that she was around my daughter as an infant was at a family reunion, and at that time all of my mother's sisters (notice: NOT my mother) were telling me to spank my not-quite-two-year old son and give him something to cry about. He was tired because we were sleeping on the porch and he was in a strange house, so he didn't sleep. He cried.
I did not know that this aunt had rheumatoid arthritis and I still don't for sure. My mother said she was a hypochondriac, and when I asked my cousin, who knows way more about the family than I do, if anyone had RA, this aunt's name did not come up. Nevertheless, the implication was that I had been mean to her and now I had my payback.
I suppose I think about this because my mom told me a story years ago about watching my mouth, and she used this aunt as an illustration. She said that when another sister had been pregnant this aunt, who was not yet married, had made a face at her and told her she hoped her babies looked like that. This aunt ended up never having a child of her own, although she did adopt one. My mom said to watch what I said lest it come back to haunt me later.
Which brings me to my point. I really don't remember ever hurting this aunt, and I pondered over whether or not I should ask for her forgiveness since evidently she
WAS hurt, whether I meant to or not. And she IS old, and I don't want to hurt her further. I am old enough though, and I have had to ask forgiveness for so many of the things that I do, that I don't see the sense in asking about this one since I don't remember it and this aunt has the habit of, shall we say, exaggerating.
So I'm not gonna. But I don't say that lightly. I am well aware of the Bible verse that says that you should get the log out of your own eye before you worry about the splinter in your brother's. And I am not (as those who love me will attest) perfect. But more than that, I don't want to be guilty of some of the things I see in my aunt's behavior. So I'm not gonna apologize. But I hope God really convicts me if I am guilty of the same sins. I have enough of my own.
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